The Santa Catalyst
by jdschmidtwriter
Summary: When a shocking revelation about Sheldon forces Penny to do everything she can to avoid him, Sheldon's orderly world descends into chaos. As Christmas approaches, their friendship is in tatters and both are miserable. Perhaps Saint Nick can lend a hand, or maybe an ankle. Sheldon/Penny
1. Chapter 1

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Sheldon clutched at the steering wheel, knuckles white.

The whackadoodle hadn't even turned on the car yet. Penny was amazed he'd managed to get his learner's permit.

"It's going to be fine," she said, setting her purse on the floor between her feet. "We're not going that far."

The gas station was just down the street. She'd get to satisfy her craving for egg nog and spiced rum, and Sheldon would get a little driving practice and a promised box of red vines. Of course, this wasn't what Penny had originally had planned for Christmas Eve. She was supposed to be in Nebraska celebrating with her family, but a blizzard had canceled her flight. Leonard was spending the holiday with Stephanie, Howard and Bernadette were on a cruise with Mrs. Wolowitz, and Raj and Amy were visiting his parents in India.

Sheldon's only plan had been to _not_ spend it with his family in Texas. So, Penny had roped him into hanging out with her even though she knew it probably wasn't the best idea. She couldn't help herself though. She missed him. Taking on extra shifts at work hadn't helped like she thought it would.

"I need to ensure my vision isn't impaired first." Sheldon began fiddling with the side mirror.

Penny grinned. "Of course you do." She reached out to pat his arm, but drew back before she touched him, quickly shoving her hand into her hoodie pocket where it belonged.

 _Crap on a cracker_.

After not seeing him for so long, she'd barely managed not to hug him earlier, and now it was all she could do to keep her hands to herself. Indulging herself in an innocent pat on the arm would just make things more painful for her than they already were. Fortunately, Sheldon hadn't noticed. He was far too busy fussing with his seat and looking adorable.

 _Double crap on a cracker._

Penny had a violent urge to bang her head repeatedly against the dashboard. She'd actually been looking forward to Nebraska. It wasn't that she missed her family, but because she needed space away from Sheldon, more space than her extra shifts at work could provide. Ever since the rest of the gang had paired off, they'd been spending all their free time together. Penny hadn't realized she had a problem until she met that stupid lawyer at The Cheescake Factory.

* * *

 _One Month Ago_

Penny eyed the tall, blond man as he approached the bar. Tailored blue suit, white shirt, and gleaming leather shoes. This man knew how to dress, unlike a certain theoretical physicist she knew.

She finished wiping down the counter and flashed him a smile. "What can I get you?"

"Old Fashioned, please."

Penny's eyebrows rose. Not only did this guy know how to pick a classy drink, but he was also polite. She couldn't remember the last time she'd met anyone so well-mannered at work, customer or co-worker. When she handed him his drink, her gaze zipped to his ring finger. Huh. No gold band, and no white line there either. Well, now. She allowed her smile to widen just a bit. After all, he probably had a girlfriend.

He took a sip and let out a pleased sigh. "Oh, that's damn good. Just what I needed."

"Rough day?" Penny asked, leaning forward on her elbows. Her phone beeped in her apron pocket, but she ignored it.

He gave a low chuckle. "You could say that. I'm a prosecutor representing an elderly man who was swindled out of his life savings by this utter low-life. The opposition is trying to pull some crap about the defendant not being culpable because his parents didn't teach him the concept of right and wrong."

"That's a bunch of bull!"

He saluted her with his drink. "It's a shame you're not the judge."

She scowled. "If I were, I'd go Junior Rodeo on that scumbag's ass."

The man laughed, white teeth gleaming in his tanned face. "I'd pay to see that."

Her phone beeped again. A regular waved her over for a refill, and then she had to help the new waitress, Katie, clean up a tray full of plates that she'd dropped on the floor. By the time Penny returned to the bar, the guy had finished his drink.

She wiped her hands on her apron. "Sorry about that. Do you want another one?"

He gave her a half smile. "Actually, I was hoping you might-"

Penny's phone beeped a third time. She fished it out of her pocket. "I'm sorry. I should check this. It'll get worse if I don't."

 _Please ensure your shift ends promptly as it's laundry night. I thought I'd remind you after last week's aberration._

 _Don't bother bringing down that chemical waste you call a detergent. You can use mine._

 _I've been told that it's rude not to reply when one is texted. In case your memory has failed you, which is likely, you're the one who told me that. Your hypocrisy astounds me._

Penny snickered. She purposely wrote in the worst text-speech just to rile him up.

 _Don't git ur panties in a twist, Moonpie. I won't be l8. C u soon._

A beep quickly followed.

 _Since I don't own any 'panties,' you must be referring to your own. I already promised my mother I wouldn't touch your delicates after the flagpole incident._

A grin spread across her face. God, he was such a goof.

Another beep.

 _Don't call me Moonpie. Only Meemaw calls me that._

 _Rlly? U nevr told me that ;-)_

She shoved her phone back in her apron, wincing as she remembered she'd left the attractive lawyer waiting. "Sorry, what was it you were wanting?"

A wry smile tugged at the man's mouth, and he shook his head. "I was actually going to ask you out, but I see there's little point."

Penny's eyebrows drew together. "What? What do you mean?"

"Come on. I know you weren't texting your mother." He waved a hand at her. "Your facial expression said it all. It's obvious you're dating whomever you were texting."

She gaped at him, then let out a short laugh. "Well, your facial reading skills are wrong, bucko. I'm single."

Disbelief flickered across his face. "You're not seeing anyone?"

"I'm not. Seriously."

His brown eyes narrowed. "Alright. How about after your shift, I take you out to that new champagne and dessert bar on Union Street?"

She bit her lip. "That sounds amazing, but I already have plans."

"With your texting buddy, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not what you think." Penny flung her towel onto the bar top and sucked in a deep breath. "Look, I can't miss laundry night with Sheldon or he'll freak out. And it's my turn to pick out the movie afterwards, and I've been dying to make him watch _The Notebook,_ but I had to forfeit last week and watch _Spaceballs_ because my shift ran late, so tonight really won't work."

He stared at her, eyebrows high on his forehead. "I see."

"Let me check my schedule though." She opened the calendar that Sheldon had installed on her phone. "Um, tomorrow's paintball. Monday is Thai night, I'm working on Tuesday, and Wednesday is Halo. Oh, wait!" She looked up at him and smiled. "I'm free next Thursday morning if you want to go out for breakfast."

"I don't think it's a good idea, and I'll tell you why." He folded his hands. "It's obvious you have some sort of intense schedule with this Sheldon. You don't want to upset him, and you're dying to watch a romantic film with him. While I appreciate your offer of breakfast, it's not really a date activity. You've been friendly with me this evening, but you never smiled at me the way you did when you read those text messages from him. You might be single, but you're not _available_."

Penny's mouth fell open. Of course she was available. Who did this guy think he was? Her mind replayed the previous three months. Wait. When was the last time she'd been on a date? Her heart began to pound in her chest, and her palms grew sweaty.

She couldn't remember.

"He's my neighbor and my best friend. We're not dating." Her reply sounded weak to her own ears.

"You're dating in all but name, and it's clear you wish you were. The evidence is overwhelming."

She gawped at him, knees suddenly weak. She couldn't possibly...could she?

Her and Sheldon?

It hit her then like a ton of shoe boxes.

 _Oh my God._

"I need to take my break," she whispered. He nodded, and she sped out the far door and into the cool darkness of the alley. She leaned back against the wall and took in deep, gulping breaths.

 _She was in love with Sheldon Cooper._

The sudden realization sent a giddy sensation fizzing through her veins until it reached her heart. That's when her head stepped in and reminded her that nothing was ever going to happen between them.

Penny's heart gave a painful twist. Sheldon would never, ever like her like that.

Amy had terminated her relationship agreement with him because he couldn't bring himself to kiss her. If a brilliant neurologist like Amy couldn't manage to steal Sheldon's heart, then what hope did Penny have?

Absolutely none.

God. She was so doomed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sheldon adjusted his seat-belt, glancing warily at Penny out of his peripheral vision. He'd half expected her to impatiently urge him out of the parking lot by now, but instead she was staring out the passenger window with a strained smile on her face. Sheldon compared her expression to the thousands he'd cataloged in his mind over the years.

Her demeanor matched up with the few times she'd attempted to appear like she was fine when she really wasn't. His skin prickled in agitation. Penny's passionate nature made it difficult for her to conceal her true emotions. It was a characteristic Sheldon had learned to appreciate since there was never a question of where he stood with her. When she was mad, she yelled. When she was sad, she wept. When she was happy, she danced. Her current behavior was merely another oddity in a long string of oddities he'd been forced to endure as of late.

It had all started with her missing laundry night last month. Penny had texted him saying she would be there, but then she'd cancelled half an hour before without any explanation. Then to add insult to injury, she began working extra shifts at The Cheesecake Factory, thereby throwing their pleasant schedule into utter chaos. She didn't come to Vintage Game night, Halo night, or Rock Band night. She refused to attend Thai night, Chinese night, and Italian night saying she was too busy or too tired. His work suffered, his appetite was nonexistent, his REM sleep was disturbed, and his bowel movements refused to adhere to any sort of reasonable schedule.

He lasted a week before confronting her.

* * *

 _Twenty-Three Days Ago_

Sheldon paced up and down the hall, weary to the bone. It was 2:32am. He should have been blissfully asleep. Instead, he was pacing and pulling at his hair. His head ached. His eyes burned. His chest felt tight.

This was all Penny's fault.

She'd wormed her way into every facet of his life, and without realizing it, he'd grown dependent on her. Her abrupt absence had left a gaping hole that nothing else could fill.

The routines he'd once enjoyed alone now gave him little solace. While he used to relish watching _Doctor Who_ on Sundays by himself, he'd since grown accustomed to Penny's presence and to her pestering questions. The endless quiet ate at him. Video games proved to be utterly pointless without a formidable opponent to play against, and as illogical as it seemed, movie night wasn't movie night without Penny.

Not even a hot beverage and Meemaw's special cookies made him feel better.

His fists clenched. This had to stop. Tightening the belt of his bathrobe, he marched out of his apartment and across the hall to 4B. He pounded on the door.

 _Bam. Bam. Bam._ "Penny!"

 _Bam. Bam. Bam._ "Penny!"

 _Bam. Bam. Bam._ "Penny!"

She didn't answer though he knew she was home. Her car was in the parking lot, and light flickered from beneath her apartment door. His eyes narrowed, and he stalked back to 4A and snatched her spare key out of the glass bowl. He returned to her door and unlocked it. It swung open, revealing Penny sitting on the couch, wrapped in a fluffy blanket.

A few strands of blonde hair escaped from her messy bun as her head jerked around to face him. "Sheldon! What the hell are you doing?"

He shut the door behind him and strode over to her, scowling. "Since you've ruined my schedule, I thought I'd return the favor." He waved a hand at the TV screen behind him though he kept his gaze on her . "How does it feel to have your entertainment enjoyment interrupted?"

An all too familiar voice came through Penny's television speakers. "Brace yourself. The area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive."

Stunned, Sheldon slowly turned around. Spock's face stared back at him from the screen. He blinked, momentarily at a loss. "You're watching season two, episode eighteen of the original Star Trek series."

Penny paused the show. "I know what I'm watching, Sheldon."

He spun on his heel. "Why are you..." His voice trailed off as he suddenly took in his surroundings. The piles of clothing he was used to seeing strewn about were missing. Her dining table and kitchen island were clear of debris, and her light blue teapot gleamed from its spot on the stove top. Penny's coffee table was normally hidden beneath an array of magazines, unpaid bills, make-up, and shoes. However, only a steaming mug sat on its shining surface. He sniffed the air. A hint of disinfectant tickled his nose. He rounded on her, chest constricting. "You've been _cleaning_!"

He felt betrayed. Not only was she watching Star Trek without him, but she'd been sanitizing her apartment too. While his life had descended into total chaos, hers had somehow improved. Nothing made sense anymore.

"What is going on?" he cried, taking a halting step toward her.

Penny's grip tightened on her blanket. "Nothing is going on but you invading my apartment. Now, get out!"

"No." He folded his arms. "I'm not leaving until you explain to me why you've ruined my entire week."

Two bright spots of color appeared high on her cheekbones. "News flash, Sheldon, the world doesn't revolve around you. I've been busy, and I'm going to be busy for a while. So, you're just going to have to deal with it."

Sheldon took a steadying breath and placed both hands behind his back, gripping one set of fingers so tightly they ached. "Is this your way of informing me that you're now too busy for your best friend?"

Her defensive expression crumpled, and tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now." She bowed her head and hid her face in her hands.

Hesitant, he reached out and touched her shoulder, but she flinched away from the contact. A pained moan escaped her. "Please don't."

All the fight drained out of him, leaving him weak and defeated. He'd thought she was happy, but clearly that wasn't the case. "Penny," he pleaded. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." She wiped at her eyes with the edge of the blanket. "I just need some time and space."

Normally Sheldon wasn't skilled at comprehending subtleties and reading between the lines, but he heard this one loud and clear, like the harsh, melancholy whistle of a freight train.

Penny needed time and space away from _him_.

His throat constricted, making it difficult to swallow. He wanted to ask why she needed time away from him, and how long, but he was too afraid to ask. "Are you going to be all right?"

"Eventually," she whispered, her green eyes dark and sad.

As Sheldon softly closed her apartment door behind him, he hoped her answer would prove true for the both of them.

* * *

 _Present Day_

The remainder of the month hadn't shown any change in Penny's behavior except for he'd seen her twice outside of her work. The first was when everyone met for dinner to celebrate Leonard's birthday, and the second was for another rare group get together. The only time Sheldon saw her with any consistency was on Tuesday nights when she served him his barbecue bacon cheeseburger. But the Penny who served him his food was a far cry from the Penny he once knew. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She laughed, but it rang false in his ears. She spoke to him, but the warmth was missing from her voice.

Would his life ever go back to way it was before, or was this present wretched existence the new normal? Confusion gnawed at him. Leonard had been his best friend for a season, and he'd had no problem adjusting after Leonard had moved out to be with Stephanie. So, why was he having so much difficulty with Penny? She had been his best friend, admittedly a better one than Leonard had ever been, but clearly she no longer wanted that role. So, why couldn't he move on? He'd been perfectly content before he'd ever met her. It didn't make sense for him to require her presence in his life.

And just when he'd grown resigned to the new status quo, Penny had waltzed through his door just like she'd used to and had announced her flight had been cancelled. After she'd determined he didn't have plans for Christmas Eve, she'd ushered him out the door. Now he found himself in the driver's seat of her car about to head to the Chevron down the street for egg nog, spiced rum, and red vines.

Did this small outing mean that Penny intended to resume their friendship?

A light-headed feeling swept through him at the very thought. If so, he had to ensure he didn't do anything to jeopardize the possibility. He wiped his sweating palms on his pants before placing them once again on the steering wheel.

"At this rate we won't make it to the gas station until after New Year's," Penny said with a small smile.

Sheldon's breath caught. She was teasing him. The familiarity of it all sent a flood of warmth rushing through his veins. Somehow he managed to keep his composure and raised an eyebrow. "Achieving a good fit between one's body and a foreign vehicle is very important for safe driving."

She handed him her keys. "Whatever you say, Moonpie."

Shock spasmed his fingers, and he dropped the keys, staring at her with wide eyes.

Penny's smile froze.

The last time she had used the endearment had been the evening she'd cancelled on him for laundry night. Instead of wanting to admonish her for using Meemaw's nickname, Sheldon had an overwhelming urge to pull Penny close like he'd done the Christmas she'd given him Leonard Nimoy's autograph. Cold settled in his stomach as he recalled how she'd recoiled when he'd touched her shoulder twenty-seven days ago. Ducking his head, he bent forward to retrieve the keys. His fingers stretched to grasp them where they'd slid beneath his seat.

"Aren't you going to tell me not to call you that?"

He didn't answer, his index finger curling through the key chain.

"Sheldon?"

Soft pressure on his shoulder startled him, and he jerked upward, smacking his head into the steering wheel.

"Gah!" Sheldon clutched the back of his head, the keys now clenched in one hand.

"I'm sorry," Penny cried. Her hands fluttered around him, but didn't make contact. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm most certainly not _okay_." While a significant amount of pain reverberated through his skull, worse still was the sudden physical distance she'd put between them.

Sheldon had always scolded Penny for patting his arm, giving him a hug, or ruffling his hair, but that had never stopped her. And while he'd initally been concerned about germs, consistent contact with her had proven beneficial to his immune system over time. He likened it to a recent study which had found exposure to lower levels of radiation helpful to one's health. In the past month, he'd come to realize how much he missed Penny's affectionate behavior. Her touching his shoulder just now, and then withdrawing again had only intensified this illogical craving he had for physical contact with her.

Sheldon's eyes narrowed. After all Penny had put him through this month, he more than deserved the small comfort of her touch. He leaned into her personal space and tilted his head down. "The least you could do is to check for damage."

A shocked silence followed.

"You want me to touch you?" Penny finally asked, her voice high and thready.

Sheldon maintained his position and kept his gaze fixed on her hands where they rested stiffly on her knees. "You can either check me for damage, or take me to the nearest trauma hospital for a CAT scan. It's your choice."

He congratulated himself when her hands slowly rose from her lap. Warm fingers carded through his hair, lightly touching his scalp. The blissful contact melted his bones, and he wanted nothing more than to collapse over the center console and place his head in her lap. A sigh escaped his lips, and he silently cursed himself when her fingers ceased moving.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No." He leaned ever so slightly into her hand, and she resumed her ministrations. She ran her fingers gently over the back of his head and then across the nape of his neck. Her short nails delicately scratched his skin. Sensitive nerves he hadn't realized were there fired, sending pleasure sparking down his spine. Abruptly, the throbbing in his head moved significantly lower. Much lower. His heart began to pound, and he slowly drew back.

"We should probably continue on to our destination," he croaked out, his voice considerably lower. Avoiding her eyes, he fumbled the key into the ignition and turned the car on.

"Don't you want to know if I found any damage?" Penny asked, an odd note in her voice.

Sheldon froze. He'd completely forgotten the excuse he'd used to initiate contact with her. He met her questioning gaze, and scrambled for a plausible answer. "I assumed you would have told me if you'd found something."

"Oh." She fidgeted with the string on her hoodie, cheeks slightly flushed. "I didn't find a bump or anything."

"That's a relief. Locating a competent CAT scan technician on Christmas Eve might have proved difficult." He checked the rear-view mirror. Seeing that the way was clear, he put the car in reverse and eased out of the parking spot.

A sharp cry, and a thud against the back of the car had him slamming on the brakes.

Penny shrieked, and whirled to face him, her face stricken. "Oh my God, Sheldon. We hit someone!"

* * *

 **So, did you enjoy this chapter, my dears? Who do you think Sheldon hit with the car? Please leave a comment! Every reviewer gets an extra gift from Santa!**


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